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the before and afters

by adam griffen

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1.
a prayer 04:25
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a prayer it led me to the conclusion have i been here before? now lead me through the confusion remind me i'm doing well she is the antidote i pray i will not squander promise me you won't give up promise me- do not disappear brother tell me where you've been brother tell me more how many fears, how many blows have nailed you to the floor? she has a love of life let no one take it from her she has a love of life promise me- do not disappear is this a maze we wander? have i been here before? another day, another life another open door she is an open book let no one squash her wonder she is an open book promise me- do not disappear she is the antidote i pray i will not squander she is the antidote promise me...
2.
the before and afters 04:11
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the before and afters the before and afters work for me I represent the changing sea nefralians R.S.V.P. in viral code piano key why would I not accept the gift? why would I, yes, refuse a lift? I'll get there soon enough he said though many dials were in the red sort through the things that fed or bled I like the noise, it clears my head why would I not get out of bed? I would not get what's left unsaid
3.
melisma 03:18
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melisma stay too long in one place everything turns strange fixated on one face in contrary phase moot melisma mnemonic rose trust something invisible is filling in the spaces shouting out into the breach down with all the graces acute melisma melon indisposed saccharine & capsicum give us back our faces turning over this poor sod where once we ran the races melancholy melisma melanin repose
4.
try not to look down 04:27
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Try Not To Look Down When the new bridge is done Will they tear the old one down? There’s more I need to ask you Desi, where can you be found? There’s more I need to ask you The dust and the papers Voices- don’t understand Must in a bottle Moss in my hands I want new words- all new sentiment I’m trying not to look down Andrew, what did you mean When you said “I’ll never go away” While trying hard not to be seen? Could you be held to your word? Are you flying underground? Are you buried in the clouds? Still a thread between us Thinner than a human hair Can’t see the other end Hanging in thin air We’ll have to trust that it won’t break Try not to look down Ruth, do you have a story for me? Can we steal some flowers? Can we… just be ok? There is nothing that you could tell That would be too strange That would close my arms If they learn your bitter secrets Do you have to run away? Make them see what makes you stronger And through your eyes If you are recognized Try not to look down
5.
manifest 03:49
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manifest you shackled my ankles and made you a haunting you set me on fire and made you a vision squashed in a book and shot full of holy you say you love me but you just want control well I'll be cursed and I'll be blessed but this is not how I want to manifest you ripped out some hair and made you a faerie you tore off a finger and made you a crow you anthropomorphized me and wolfed down my body you smoked me and poped me then studied your bowels you dressed me in feathers you dressed me in robes you stripped me bare naked and drooled on my toes you writhed and whined screaming "carry me daddy" then said it was me who soiled your clothes
6.
high chair 02:56
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high chair in the high chair getting wet behind the ear they’re taking bets she likes him but likes him but likes what he did with trees he cut linked together swaying, saying nobody’s that far away nobody went far a-weighing high road procrastinating us virtuous versus them judge not lest ye be judged pro-tem in jest ingesting one two testing in contempt but so arresting in ambivalent obsession taught to wait but failed to lessen rugged depths he combs and sweeps secrets he doesn’t know he keeps backwards flying underlying divert this yawing hole of crying
7.
solid air i breathe forever 03:16
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solid air I breathe forever not broken, just bent over you I'm not, I'm falling upside down, imagine falling into orbit, lapse into 2D inward oohs and aahs above your beauty sewn below the hem, a labial union solid air i breathe forever unspoken, unspent piggy bank, the pots are banging endocrine disrupter, hang together, we will suck our gut in tending to the business side of living here's the hem and haw, the pitch the yaw roll me over, know i'm human
8.
shapeless 03:09
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shapeless sugar and pain wooden eye, rubber shoe stuck in my throat because I wouldn't chew slippery and shapeless slippery and shapeless in a dream I forgot we began to comprehend rhubarb and fanfare in dutch, in the know crumbled walls long ago but still we blow slippery and shapeless slippery and shapeless what is the use of hope in the promised land? shady and framed as epic struggle, phantom foe eat the crumbs first while the plate is still full slippery and shapeless slippery and shapeless what part of yes don't I understand? hey, hey, hey, hey (si, si, si, si) no hay pulpo banana seat stingray purple three-speed go slippery and shapeless slippery and shapeless do a donut in the yard mud recipe pretend
9.
exactly what i need 03:09
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exactly what i need everything is out of place but moving together with some sense of grace it's getting harder to put on a face to straighten out the tongue and tie the lace now the foot's in the other mouth long moments walking from the north to south minutes saved and hours spent years alone but i know where they went heart ablaze, packed with facts attempted magic and amoral acts (it helps to breath into a paper sack) you might find it hard to believe feels like you've given me exactly what i need
10.
all the things you aren't 03:00
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all the things you aren't nearby but folded under a simulated fool in love with all the things you aren't in a kitchen drawer there's a useful assortment many simple devices someone thought would make life easier, in some small way a clutter of gifts, never found purpose following the fool in love with all the things you aren't in a catalog, a thousand variations of what was once of stone how did someone think we all could believe in one ideal form? sparks shower on a black floor sharpening the tool in love with all the things you aren't in a dusty box, a lifetime of tinkering while away the hours someone found universal delight in each small handiwork repeatedly torn asunder then wound upon a spool in love with all the things you aren't
11.
there form e 04:59
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therefore me you were there beside me mud on your shoes by the river slowly walk quietly, and listen bats feed in the twilight a warm wind hisses in the trees a truck drones on the highway you and the river whisper to me none of these stones are perfect you'll be searching all your life pick one up and give it a kiss leave it there for me if this touch could heal you would heal me too together on the water float quietly, and listen tell me your story and i'll tell you mine turn the pages till you and i rhyme you're so sweet and i'm so fine everyone is singing this time i see your colors when i close my eyes i feel what you feel when we touch child on the beach, angel in the sky the difference is not very much i found you in the garden when we were old and gray tilling for the next year i picked up stones and threw them away one of those stones was perfect i've been searching all my life but now the rose you planted is growing there for me

credits

released December 12, 2011

All sounds produced and recorded by adam griffen, except for artie smudges trio live sample loops on "high chair" and "the before and afters".
Drawing by Blami, on the Bonberenea restroom wall.

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adam griffen Bellingham, Washington

adam griffen- experimental folk pop.

vsmqu?- experimental instrument builder, noise, ambient, improvisation, etcetera.

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